This post is a three-parter.
Part one: Where are we at on this sexual harassment and assault thing?
Part two: Be ok with people saying no to you.
Part three: Part two a: How To Get A Date With A Lindy Hopper, by Sam (currently entrenched in a happy, healthy 13 year relationship with a lindy hopper)
Here is the best dating advice I have:
Teachers: don’t ask your students to go on dates with you. It is bad news. BAD NEWS.
Not everyone is going to like you.
People will say no to you, and you have to suck it up.
You might actually suck, but that shouldn’t stop you trying to be as decent a person as you can.
Don’t treat women like your mothers, or like they owe you anything: they don’t. They don’t have to give you advice, help you, go on a sympathy date with you, or even be nice to you. In fact, if you act like an entitled dick, they have a right to not be nice to you.
Not everyone is going to be your friend.
There is no ‘friend zone’, and there is no ‘laying ground work’ with a woman for a romantic relationship. That thinking is fucked up and you need to go to counselling and learn how to be a decent human being. IMMEDIATELY.
1. Accept that not everyone is going to want to date you.
You could be a complete arsehole. You could smell real bad. You could be really boring. Just suck it up. Incidentally, there isn’t ‘someone for everyone’ out there. You may just be single for the rest of your life.
And you know what?
THAT’S TOTALLY OK.
Be a decent human being, treat everyone with respect and get on with your life. There’s jazz dancing to be done.
2. Don’t ask everyone you meet to go on a date with you.
It’s sad and desperate.
3. Don’t ask someone you’ve only just met to go on a date with you.
It’s sad and desperate.
Wait until you’ve met them a few times, and you know, had a conversation. Women in particular can tell when you’re just treating them like a piece of meat you’d like to get your hands on.
4. If you want to go on a date with someone (after you’ve met them a few times), just fucking ASK them.
They can say no. They can say yes. Just stop fussing about and do it.
5. If you ask them and they say ‘no thanks’, just accept it.
ACCEPT IT. You missed out. They said no. Move on. Be a grown up. THEY ARE NOT INTO YOU.
6. If you ask them and they say ‘yes please’ and you go out…
That’s great. But do NOT email/text/facebook message them every day like a crazy person. Go on that date. Leave it a bit, or perhaps send one text saying something like “Hey, good fun last night!” and then let it rest a little. If they don’t answer that text, leave it. Do NOT ask them why they didn’t reply. Do NOT start texting or facebook messaging. LEAVE IT.
7. If you want to go out with them again…
Ask them. But if they say no to that second invitation, it’s done. LEAVE IT. THEY DON’T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU.
Here’s the deal: one date (or even two or three) does not mean that person belongs to you. They can walk away whenever they like. DEAL WITH IT.
8. If someone asks YOU on a date, and you don’t want to go: say ‘No thanks, mate.’
9. Never EVER EVER EVER trick someone into going on a date with you.
If you say a whole heap of people are going when you invite them to ‘that gig’, DO NOT TELL A LIE. That is some seriously fucked up and creepy shit. I cannot tell you just how horribly creepy that is. If you routinely do this stuff, you need to get some help: you are one creepy fucker.