think of me, will you

I have started back on the Cranky Poo/big Schnapple/jazz step kick again.
Mostly because I have had to make all new clothes to deal with my increasing girth.
But also because I adore old school jazz routines so much.
Here’s a new one:

(from here).
This is the shim sham, a seriously old school jazz routine which has its roots in tap and the shim sham shimmy.
Most lindy hoppers know this version – in fact, you can see a bunch of Australians in this clip (btw that’s Frankie Manning there in that clip – I’ve decided that he’s the dancer I actually want to be. Him or Al or Leon, I can’t decide which. But probably Frankie. I ask myself, when I need some inspiration, “What would Frankie do?” and the answer is usually ‘shimmy so the lady will shake her boobs at me’ or ‘shimmy my butt so the lady will shake her booty’ or ‘bow reeeeal low so I can see the lady’s undies when she swivels in a swing out’. I feel these are all admirable goals for a young feminist-about-town.
So I think I’ll get onto this version of the shim sham. I’ve spent a couple of days sorting out the timing and reminding myself of the Cranky Poo this week, and I need a bit of inspiration before I get back to the Big Schnapple. It’s hard to do the schnapps on my own – you really need a partner for the last bit.
So it’ll go:
– tidy up Cranky Poo
– start learning Al and Leon’s shim sham from clip (which will take me ages as I’ll need to transcribe it and I’m a shit transcriber)
– work on Big Schnapple again til it’s perfect
– pull the boring old shim sham out and become superheroine good at it.
Think of me at about 3pm during weekdays this week, will you?

fuck off barbie and hello real ladies

I only wear clothes that I’ve made or bought of the internet. Except for underwear. The Squeeze says it’s time to stop when I’m making my own knickers. And dancing requires hardcore support, so no home-made bra action either. And socks – I buy those too.
But besides those things, I make everything else.
Except for tshirts.
I really like threadless tshirts. In fact, they’re the only ones I buy. I’d like to say it’s because I’m really loyal or cool, but it’s actually because I can never find cool tshirts on the internet. I like the nerdy ones (I especially want the ‘homie don’t right click’ T – it’s a reference to mac users – from some silly nerd site), but they only come in giant nerd man sizes. The girl nerd tshirts from those sites are designed for nerd boys’ imaginary girlfriends.
But with the buying lady tshirts on the internet? Once you find a size/brand you like – buy em. I like XXL American Apparel lady tshirts. Or XL. I am not a tiny little woman – I am a giant, ravening academic beast. I constitute my own public sphere. So no bullshit half-size belly-revealing rubbish for me.
I don’t mind buying Tshirts online, really. But when I check out tshirt sizing and see this, I’m not happy. Because, like I said, I’m packing some serious curvage here, baby. Mostly round my belly and, increasingly, around my armies. And boobage? Yes please.
so that little barbie there, she’s not helping me pick my size.
1. Where are her hips?
2. Where are her boobies?
3. How does she pick things up with those puny little armies? Can she lead? Could she be base in an aerial? No? Then she’s not helping me.
4. Does she eat? Would she embarass herself at yum cha?
No. So why would you possibly assume that she could help me out with choosing a tshirt size?
I say fuck off barbie to those online tshirt size guides. And hello real ladies.

eurovision 2007 finals: romania

Romania.
The Squeeze has decided he’s sticking with eurovision. I want West Wing. He feels he’s made a commitment.
Romania sucks.
I suspect that all of the remaining entries will make me angry.
The Squeeze will now review the remaining eurovision acts.
Final verdict for Romania?
TS: dull.

eurovision 2007 finals: serbia and ukraine and united kingdom

I can’t take any more.
Terry Wogan is ruining it for me. The doods last night at least sounded like they really liked the whole eurovision thing. But Wogan seems to despise and spends far too much time being derogatory.
And Serbia wins, so there’s no point watching past here. Even though there are seven to go…. though there are 2 hours left.
Shut. Up. Wogan. You suck!
… no, wait. Ukraine has captured my attention.
Glitter? Check.
Synchronised choreography? Check.
Not a band act? Check.
Piano accordian/baziki/other novelty instrument that isn’t a bhodran? Check.
United Kingdom. No freakin’ Bucks Fizz, that’s for sure.

eurovision 2007 finals: france and latvia

France. Apparently Gaultier did their costumes. Nice job, John-Paul. That guy’s kitty nearly fell off his jacket and he had to grab it. On camera!
I don’t much like these joke acts. I think eurovision entries should be serious.
And band acts are dumb. Though it is up-tempo. Not disco uptempo, though. And there are no ladies. Nor is this a boyband. Dumb.
Thumbs down.
Latvia. Ok mates, I’m off to shower. I’m sure I’ll miss some.

eurovision 2007 finals: adbreak

Ad break.
I don’t know if I have the strength to do the rest of these acts.
It upsets me that cadburys sponsor the SBS and they sell their old gold dark chocolate like it’s worth eating. It’s not. We like Lindt for everyday eating round here. And Koko black for fancy. Another good thing about lindy hop is that there are lots of Swiss dancers. And they give good chocolate.

eurovision 2007 finals: greece and georgia and sweden

If you go here, you can see which countries played in which order.
1. Bosnia & Herzegovina Maria ŠESTIĆ Rijeka Bez Imena
2 Spain D’NASH I Love You Mi Vida
3 Belarus Koldun Work Your Magic
4 Ireland DERVISHThey Can’t Stop The Spring
5 Finland Hanna PAKARINEN Leave Me Alone
6 FYR Macedonia Karolina Mojot Svet
7 Slovenia Alenka GOTAR Cvet Z Juga
8 Hungary Magdi RÚZSA Unsubstantial Blues
9 Lithuania 4FUN Love Or Leave
10 Greece Sarbel Yassou Maria
11 Georgia Sopho Visionary Dream
12 Sweden THE ARK The Worrying Kind
13 France LES FATALS PICARDS L’amour À La Française
14 Latvia BONAPARTI.LV Questa Notte
15 Russia SEREBRO Song #1
16 Germany Roger CICERO Frauen Regier’n Die Welt
17 Serbia Marija ŠERIFOVIĆ Molitva
18 Ukraine Verka SERDUCHKA Dancing Lasha Tumbai
19 United Kingdom SCOOCH Flying The Flag (For You)
20 Romania TODOMONDO Liubi, Liubi, I Love You
21 Bulgaria Elitsa TODOROVA & Stoyan YANKOULO Water
22 Turkey Kenan DOÄžULU Shake It Up, Shekerim
23 Armenia Hayko Anytime You Need
24 Moldova Natalia BARBU Fight
We’re up to Greece at number 10. Good start:
“first off, she’s a lady,
this is a lady’s world”
Which is, speaking as a Brunswick chick, exactly the sort of talk I like to hear from a good Greek boy. I like using the term ‘lady’. The Squeeze calls us (us being crink and I and D) ladies.
I think I’m voting for Greece!! I like all the freakin’ shimmies! I like the shitty syncho backing dancers! I like the song!
Georgia. Great. I like the dress. I like the dancing guys with swords. It’s an up-tempo disco song, so it’s go my vote. It’s a bit like Madonna, except with lyrics by someone whose first language isn’t English so they have that A-ha feel.
“This precious moment of my life,
holds me excited!”
Sweden.
I really have to go have a shower. I shaved The Squeeze’s head earlier and have prickles all over me.
I have to watch this entry – Sweden is the national home of lindy hop in the twenty first century. And Abba.
And this entry is worth embedding.

I’ts ok, I guess, but it’s too obvious choice for me.