fuck off barbie and hello real ladies

I only wear clothes that I’ve made or bought of the internet. Except for underwear. The Squeeze says it’s time to stop when I’m making my own knickers. And dancing requires hardcore support, so no home-made bra action either. And socks – I buy those too.
But besides those things, I make everything else.
Except for tshirts.
I really like threadless tshirts. In fact, they’re the only ones I buy. I’d like to say it’s because I’m really loyal or cool, but it’s actually because I can never find cool tshirts on the internet. I like the nerdy ones (I especially want the ‘homie don’t right click’ T – it’s a reference to mac users – from some silly nerd site), but they only come in giant nerd man sizes. The girl nerd tshirts from those sites are designed for nerd boys’ imaginary girlfriends.
But with the buying lady tshirts on the internet? Once you find a size/brand you like – buy em. I like XXL American Apparel lady tshirts. Or XL. I am not a tiny little woman – I am a giant, ravening academic beast. I constitute my own public sphere. So no bullshit half-size belly-revealing rubbish for me.
I don’t mind buying Tshirts online, really. But when I check out tshirt sizing and see this, I’m not happy. Because, like I said, I’m packing some serious curvage here, baby. Mostly round my belly and, increasingly, around my armies. And boobage? Yes please.
so that little barbie there, she’s not helping me pick my size.
1. Where are her hips?
2. Where are her boobies?
3. How does she pick things up with those puny little armies? Can she lead? Could she be base in an aerial? No? Then she’s not helping me.
4. Does she eat? Would she embarass herself at yum cha?
No. So why would you possibly assume that she could help me out with choosing a tshirt size?
I say fuck off barbie to those online tshirt size guides. And hello real ladies.