no, i’m not actually a barbie

i’m concerned that my last post made me sound like an anorexic barbie, panicking about her appearance and arse.

i’d just like to state, categorically, that:
1) i am not a barbie
2) i am not anorexic
3) i do actually quite like my body
4) i am going to the gym to get fit enough so that i don’t die at herrang in july (provided i get the grant so i can go do the field work)
5) i do secretly fancy myself as a linda hamilton type. i think i could look good in muscles

so why the gym, not-barbie?

i wasn’t getting enough exercise and was increasing in girth. not a huge problem in itself (i always feel the same size, and am surprised when i can’t fit into pants), but had practical concerns: i couldn’t afford to keep myself in pants; it was harder to dance a lot; i was getting less flexible – mass = harder to bend; and so on.

so far it has been observed that ‘yes, you are getting smaller’ and ‘you jiggle less now’. unfortunately, the latter point also applies to the bust area, as the natural consequence of weight loss. and while The Squeeze greets my front with ever-increasing mournfulness, i am assuring him that a stronger ‘poss will also mean more robust displays of affection, which he quite likes.

belle de jour

blog research continues.
today i read a blog called ‘belle de jour’, which was linked from this blog ordinary morning which i really like. seems this belle de jour is Controversial – lots of newspaper time. she’s (supposedly – who’d know for sure? and who cares either way) a Lady Of The Night. the blog is suitably saucy, but also fairly well written, which is a relief. there’s far too much shit in the blog world. at any rate, if you’re interested, here’s the link. there aren’t any embarassing pictures so you can read it at work. i lost interest after a page. i think i like the blogs with kids in more than the blogs with pussies, i’ve decided.

sorry. that was crude.
but i still like the kiddy blogs more.

oh my!

i think i swear a lot. i’m not sure i should put me swearing so much (and so aggressively – oh my!) in a public space. where The Mother might read it. or even more worrying, where dad (who doesn’t have a million years in social work to cushion the blow) might read it.

a haraway moment

today i suddenly thought (while i was reading this blog), how do we know what someone’s gender is when we read their blog? i’ve sort of been thinking, off to the side of my brain there, where i don’t notice it, ‘wonder if this person’s a girl or a boy’ when i read a new blog.

and then i thought, ‘oh, i must be easy to pick’. what with that big picture of myself up there at the top. you’d be surprised how many of my readers (my readers – fahahfhfha)have said ‘hey, where did you get a picture that looks like yourself from?’ or ‘hey, that picture really looks like you!’. maybe i’m a more convincing artist than i’d thought?

does gender change the way i read a blog? i’m noticing that most of the ones that i’m getting from this site and sticking in my favourites (- blogs and friends’ sites – blogs to read) are by blokes over 35 with at-home jobs.

i was looking for some ‘feminist’ blogs, or at least blogs by women who weren’t writing cutesy stories about their goddamn motherfukking cats (sorry, but really – CATS?! what the goddamn fukk?!! how can i be expected to bear this bullshit…?). i’m liking reading the identity blogs, but i’m not afro-american, so i’m looking for some other sorts of resonances… oh, i should add that most of my most-read blogs are by gay men, or hetero men with kids.

what a tangled mess

i’ve just been reading some things about identity blogs. i went from here to here and then looked around, before getting stuck here, where i found a reference to an article i’d read for the thesis just recently.
things are just getting too tangled. i’ve been working with henry jenkins’ book ‘textual poachers’ at the moment, for my thesis which is on communications practices in swing dancing communities, particularly in reference to f2f and online activity. then i find like a million references to his column ‘digital renaissance’ in MIT’s journal technology review. i have a friend who’s a hardcore swinger/blues man, and he’s an MIT alumni. i discovered jenkins was at MIT after sol and i discussed the sorts of things MIT offered. one step back, and i went to see a paper by a guy called tommy defranz, on afro-american vernacular dance and media/film, which totally inspired me. he’s at MIT, a prof in dance. i was telling sol about tommy’s paper, and sol then notes that a friend of his was working on afro-american vernacular dance – lindy in particular.
so, now all i need is for henry jenkins to make a comment about lindy/swing on my blog, and the whole thing’ll be so tangled i have to give up blogging, dancing and my phd out of sheer frustration.