Monthly Archives: April 2015

No, I’m sorry, but I am not going to be bullied.

31 women killed in Australia so far this year (https://www.facebook.com/DestroyTheJoint)

CCYT72nUAAAWp7J

Kon Karapanagiotidis:
What war on women?
Number of Australian soldiers killed in war since 1976?
63
Number of Australians killed by terrorism anywhere since 1976?
113
Number of Australian women killed by male violence since 2003?
1.052

I got a bit tired of being afraid (because I’m a woman, and my friends are women), so I’ve started speaking up when I see or hear about men sexually harassing or bullying women in the lindy hop world.

See a guy pulling out unwanted air steps on the dance floor? Tell him to stop.

I’m also pro-actively talking about consent, boundaries, and respecting each other’s personal space and body in dance classes – to all students.

A woman needs someone to stand next to them while they tell a guy to back off? I’m that person.

Doing this can be scary, but it makes me feel brave. And that’s the best antidote to these sorts of statistics.
Does it mean I attract stroppy responses from men? Yes. But it’s better than that helpless feeling you get when you finish a dance where a guy has touched your boob 100 times, or holds your hand so tightly he leaves fingermark bruises, or yanks you into a swing out so roughly your shoulder aches.

I want to repeat: when I ask a man not to do lifts on the dance floor, or to stop touching women, he often responds with aggression. A guy got nasty with me on Friday when I asked him to stop pulling air steps. And then he came back to me when I was DJing. And back when I was packing up afterwards, and loitered in my peripheral vision until I’d finished talking to a number of other people. Then he had another go at me, and wouldn’t go away when I said, clearly, “I don’t want to speak about this. Please go away.” I had to actively walk away.

All I did was ask him not to do lifts on the dance floor. I was very polite and non-threatening. And he got angry, and then he came back, and wouldn’t go away.

I wasn’t afraid (because I could take him), but he was bullying and threatening. If I hadn’t done this before, if I didn’t know that I was brave enough and strong enough to deal with this, I’d have been afraid.

This sort of response is normal in the lindy hop world. I have had this sort of response from a number of men.

But don’t let this stop you telling them to stop. Whether you are a man or a woman. Don’t walk to your car alone after this, but don’t let this stop you. Bullies are easily frightened off, if you stand strong and pretend you’re fierce.

And men – you need to call other men on this. Because these types of men are used to bullying women, but they’re not so brave when another guy confronts them.

And by the way, this is why I think it’s more important to talk about men sexually harassing women, than women sexually harassing men. Because this is the sort of response men make, not women.

This is not a gender neutral issue.

So, the conversations about sexual harassment in lindy hop continue.
I’ve been telling off rough men lately, and working my way up to dealing with the less overt stuff.

Every time I talk about men and how to deal with men doing this stuff to women, I’ve had a guy or two chime in to change the pronouns and make them gender neutral, or to talk about women sexual harassing and male victims.
Yes, I know women sexually harass. But I want to talk about men as aggressors. This is a GENDERED issue. Gender is IMPORTANT. It is absolutely central to this issue. Far, far more women are harassed by men in the lindy hop scene than vice versa, and I think we need to talk about MEN and the things they do to WOMEN.

So stop messing with my pronouns. And stop trying to insert this sexually harassed man and harassing woman into all my stories. Sure, they’re out there, but I WANT to gender this story!

How not to write a review, or anything really.

This review of Pokey Lafarge’s show in the SMH is the worst review ever written by anyone about anything. It’s completely useless, and doesn’t offer any helpful information about the band or the gig.

The first three paragraphs are poorly written rambling messes using every cliche ever (and inaccurate when it comes to Lafarge’s music and influences). The descriptions of the band’s clothing are strangely devoid of awareness of what’s chic atm. This is the most interesting part of this band – they’re perfectly positioned to cash in on the popularity of this ‘retro’ fashion vibe while still being ‘true’ to their own style.

Nor is this band hardcore recreationist, as the review suggests. They play and perform in a decidedly modern way, with modern twists on traditional folk songs and hits. And Pokey’s new album is perhaps even less ‘recreationist’ than the earlier ones. Their vibe reminds me a lot of what St Louis friends tell me about their city: a sort of creative tension between history and change.

This was a professional, well-choreographed show with a really well planned set of music that works the energy room very powerfully. The musicians are all well-seasoned, most of them involved in other popular and professional bands and acts. The merch, website, and PR for Pokey Lafarge is really impressive, they play ‘proper’ venues, and this band isn’t by any means a ‘small’ or hokey old time act any more (if it ever was).

This is what makes the Pokey Lafarge band so much fun to see live: they combine old school influences with an exciting contemporary edge. Feels old, but isn’t.

[addendum:] I’d add, that while CW Stoneking (who the author compares this act to) is actually dead serious about what he does (and a super odd person), Pokey and his band do this show with a wink and a nod. They understand that this _is_ a performance, and that playing these old timey roles requires a bit of self-reflexivity. [/]

Name and shame

What if tomorrow night when I’m DJing, I wear the head mic, and each time I see* a creeper guy creepin’ on a sister, I name and shame them? I’ll have a tip jar on the DJ table, and each creeper has to donate all the cash in their wallet to the women’s shelter of my choice. And then they they get thrown out of the building, never to return, and all the sisters they’d harassed dance the Big Apple of Victory.

*Because I see you, creeper guy. Because I’m watching the floor ALL the time.

where femmo stroppos at?

I keep leaving facebook discussion groups that _say_ they’re all about being feminists in lindy hop, but are _actually_ all about white straight blues dancing polygamous Mens Rights Activists.

Where all the _actual_ femmo stroppos at?

Honestly, I have no time for men who want to mansplain reverse sexism at me. It’s not real. There, we’re done. Now let’s talk about something else.