Category Archives: torchwood

why didn’t anyone tell me

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Torchwood
was fun?
Sure, it’s pretty freakin’ crappy telly (everything from the acting to the script, with a few pitstops for really awful editing on the way), but it’s also highly addictive. I just watched my way through season one, and i give it a tick tick. No V.G., but I’ll be looking out for season two, and it’s even made me want to watch the new Dr Who seasons to see how the two programs work out. Btw, isn’t that the awfulest PR shot ever? Yes, fisheye lens = fun, but why would you fill the shot with a giant, brown couch straight from the nearest sharehouse, squeeze everyone into one crowded corner and fail to consider the effects of fisheye lenses on apparent shoe sizes? I know they were hoping to get the big ‘Torchwood’ wall art into the shot, but they didn’t even manage to do that properly! Argh!
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I kind of like the premise – an other Earth, where there’s a big old rip in the fabric of time and space, through which stuff comes. And then gets collected. The ob-con part of me likes the idea of a ‘secret’* government agency whose sole purpose is tidying up lost stuff. I have to admit, I also like the fluid sexual preferences. Boys? Girls? Omnisexual? Whatever. It’s a nice change from the aggressive heterocentrism of Smalls.
It’s obviously a rip-off of all the best bits of Buffy and Angel, especially Angel. Immortal boss who can’t be injured, lives underground and broods a bit? Queer sex/romantic story lines? Bickering scooby gang? Slightly inappropriate romantic relationships between workmates and employees and employers? Yep. It’s also a little dodgy, ethics-wise (they characters pull all manner of dodgy stunts, and unlike House, there’s no ongoing negotiation and problematising of this behaviour). And it’s a bit crap, ‘fact’-wise. The one scene they had set in the 40s included some seriously shithouse and historically inaccurate dancing and music (The Squeeze has entertained himself uncovering the multiple historical inaccuracies, from engine types to planes), I noticed one scene suddenly shifting from dark night to afternoon (with no real explanation), and let’s not even go near the costumes. Captain Jack wearing trousers, collared shirt and braces with that ridiculous Great Coat, but no waistcoat, tie, or jacket? What a load of rot.
But I still like it. And, apparently, Spike’ll be in it in the second season. Probably snogging Cpt Jack.**
*Secret? Not when they order pizzas for ‘Torchwood’, delivered to their ‘secret’ HQ, they drive around in a seriously pimped black ‘SUV’ (that’s what they call it – the SUV) with ‘Torchwood’ written all over it, and they routinely bust in on police crime scenes saying things like ‘this case belongs to Torchwood now’. The fact that they’re also based in Cardiff, in a country I know first and foremost for its population made up of a) people I’m related to, and b) the most accomplished busybodies in the known universe, doesn’t really help convince me that this is a ‘secret’ agency.
**Though who hasn’t? Ianto has (talk about inappropriate workplace relationships – boss and employee? Boss and recently berieved employee?), the real Cpt Jack did. The Cpt Jack boss character’s supposed to be ‘bi’ (as in not actually operating within a specific orientation), but he’s yet to kiss any ladies. Come on – if he’s only into blokes, why not say so? I’m quite happy to deal with him waiting for his ‘special Doctor’, but why doesn’t he just come out already, and quit with the dithering?